I woke up today feeling like I couldn't breathe. Since Papa passed away last Saturday, I have only had 2 major cry days, but the others have been okay. Not this morning. It was as if my body knew what was coming. Tomorrow is the viewing and Saturday is the funeral. Today we rehearsed at the church with the singers to make sure everything was okay, and as soon as I saw Mama, I lost it. She was sitting on the bench all by herself and for the first time in my life, she looked lonesome. I wasn't greeted with her warm smile. She had been reading letters and cards people had sent her in the mail, and her eyes were filled up with tears. I sat by her, wrapped my arms around her, gave her a hug and then we cried. It's sad to see her like this.
The weird part is that we've all been prepared for this time when Papa would go. He's been talking about it for years. I honestly did not think it would be this hard.
I'm so glad he is where he is. I hope that we'll be at peace this weekend and that Mama will be okay with everything. Let's just get there.
A few thoughts I had about Papa. He really did leave a legacy of love for us:
- He laughed with love
- He served with love
- He disciplined through love
- He cried with love
- He was full of tough love
- He even joked with love
Everything Papa did was with love. Like my mom said, she never remembers hearing him complain about anything. It's true. He was very optimistic through some hard times and came out on top. He loved seeing his grandkids and the great-grandkids every Tuesday and I'm so grateful my kids will have some memories of him. A lot of them were made up at the cabin. Even little Bo got to enjoy a thunderstorm sitting on Papa's lap at the cabin. You know the phrase that says: "You never know how much you love somebody until you lose them." That's exactly how I'm feeling.
